Compare

Deadlock goes to mediation before anyone decides

Joint, Maya decides if we deadlock

Both must agree before any evaluation or treatment

Each parent decides during their own time

Talk (10 days) → one mediation session → parenting coordinator → court

2-2-3: alternating 2-2-3 blocks

Defined as her two non-NYC days, shifting automatically if her commute days change (60 days notice)

30-minute grace, then the day is forfeited unless excused

No make-up; time lost is not regained

Together while it still works, alternate later

Follows the regular schedule

Parent-of-the-day keeps it

Always with that parent, 9am to next-day school drop-off; Father's Day moves a week if Daniel is on a site

3 weeks each

Alternate first pick yearly (deadline April 1 / April 15)

Itinerary 7 days ahead

Iris's own sleepovers and camps are exempt

Text/email plus a shared calendar

No formal rule

Free, private, whenever she asks; we each help her call

Mutual: no negative talk about each other, new partners, or family, in front of Iris or online

Each parent's own judgment, with a heads-up first

No notice required

Each parent's own judgment

Kingston school district boundary

30 days written notice

Dogs stay at the house (whoever keeps it)

Each parent covers costs during their own time

Joint decision above $500 per incident

No cap; consent needed only if it hits the other parent's time

Time lost is not regained

Every January

Trust the account statement, review yearly

Divide by QDRO: Daniel's half rolls to his own IRA

Legal separation now, convert to divorce after April 2028

No monthly commitment; contribute ad hoc

Amounts pro rata to income

Daniel every year

Alternate coverage regardless of schedule

Agreed core principles (balanced meals, limits on sugar and treats), each home implements its own way; medical and dietary needs follow her everywhere

Pediatrician's standard schedule, nothing extra specified

Joint consent for anything permanent or semi-permanent (piercings, dye)

Two full sets of essentials; only special items travel

Each home sets its own rules

No clause needed

Each parent's family time comes out of their own parenting time

The enrolling parent drives or arranges the ride

A set monthly grocery amount, split 50/50, one shared list

Shared costs pro rata to income; each pays their own attorney

Statutory triggers only, no annual exchange

Straight to mediation

Ring is Maya's; each family's heirlooms return to that side; both named on the exception list

Each keeps what's in their possession, short exception list, alternating picks for anything contested

Happy to go with whatever we agreed on the call. Writing it down here so it is on the record.

No formal mirror

Tell her together; the public narrative is each adult's own

Full revisit at the middle school transition (~11) and again entering high school (~14), calendared now

Friendly but separate is fine

Level monthly payments with the April true-up

A shorter shared statement of intent, a paragraph

Yes: shared vault, reviewed at the annual August review

All sitting and boarding runs through the expense account regardless of whose time it is

Through middle school

Roth rollover for her benefit first; any remainder released to her at 25

Leave guardianship language to each parent's own estate planning

We won't nest

Whoever keeps the house credits the other for their share

Yes: the other parent gets a first option to occupy the house with Iris, on written terms agreed in advance

Fair market rent, set by a third-party appraisal and reviewed yearly

Occupant handles repairs under an agreed dollar threshold; owner approves anything above it

Biscuit stays with the house; Pepper stays with the house too

Joint decision wherever there is time; the parent with the dog decides alone only in an emergency, and tells the other immediately

Whoever the dog lives with pays

Joint decision; whoever wants the private option pays the difference

Same rule, and either of us can end an exchange conversation by saying so

Only the two of us, except in an emergency

The other parent covers, no make-up owed

One schedule, starting from the move-out date

One joint gift from both of us for the big item, plus whatever else each of us does

Aligned stories; each home handles its own gifts however it likes

No camp unless we both want it

No set frequency; she calls when she wants and we both make it easy

Scheduled, and we revisit only if it stops working

No rule

Same rule, plus an agreed neutral answer for when she asks about money

No rule

No rule

Partners may hold ordinary house rules but make no parenting decisions and handle no discipline

The same, and either of us may ask for a review at that point

No

No pictures where she is identifiable

The same approach, amounts each parent's own

Each parent decides for their own home

Agreed limits on how long and how late, an agreed check-in method, and no friends over unless we both say so

Hers, with each home setting its own expectations

One of us administers them, with the other given access on request

Both step out, and we ask the clinician for a general summary rather than details

Each parent handles it their own way

Both sign; whoever adds her to their policy carries that cost

The same curfew in both homes, revisited each year

Each parent decides, based on their own street and the route

Separately, and whoever goes first shares notes the same day

A full supply at each house, refilled by whoever collects it, with any change told to the other the same day

Each home sets its own

Yes, at both homes, and neither of us comments on it

An agreed school-night band and an agreed weekend band, both homes

No rule

A roughly parallel set of expectations we agree and revisit each year

No rule

The other parent gets first option before any paid care is arranged

The parent at the appointment decides, and tells the other the same day

The nearest appropriate facility, with a message to the other parent on the way

Both agree for anything ongoing; a one-off remedy is each parent's call

Whoever notices it is due books it, and tells the other

Either of us may enroll her up to an agreed amount per season alone; above that we both agree (amount in notes)

All clothing runs through the shared expense account

From the shared expense account

Duplicated at both houses wherever we can afford it

A signed letter naming the caregiver, refreshed whenever both of us are away, kept in the shared vault

Only in writing, signed by both of us, appended to the plan; nothing else counts

Written into the plan: time and money are independent, and neither is used as leverage for the other

Include it, with a commitment to renegotiate any provision that fails

The schedule holds wherever it safely can; missed time is made up, and any change is agreed in writing within a week

Start from the workup range and negotiate; an expert only if that fails

The leaving spouse stays on the note with indemnification and a recorded lien for the claim

Three names from the mediator, and each of us strikes one

Both of us carry disability cover

Each of us owns the policy on the other

They follow the regular schedule, and we are saying so deliberately

The school-year rotation plus the vacation weeks; nothing else changes

Requests in writing 30 days ahead; answered within a week; declines carry no explanation

The same rule, but build-season weekends are exempt and never trigger the reset

The receiving parent decides whether to travel; missed time is made up within 30 days

The plan already says renegotiation; nothing more now

The pediatrician's recommended schedule, on time; either parent may take her to the appointment

The same, and if she lets one slip neither of us makes it her problem

Anytime; the response-time rule already covers the rest

One of us owns forms and registrations for the year (name in notes), the other is copied on everything; the job alternates at each annual review

No location tracking on her devices

Sessions capped at two hours; nothing binding agreed in-session, and either of us may take 24 hours before confirming anything; easiest open items first; either of us may call a break

No standing rhythm: either parent or Iris can call one, with a day or two of notice and a named topic, at whichever home she is at

Yes, whenever all three of us want to: it stays the scheduled parent's parenting time, nothing is owed or made up, and either of us can simply decline

Either of us alone for emergencies, both of us for anything scheduled, unless waiting is dangerous

Immediately, before or on the way to care

I would rather keep this flexible for the first year and revisit at the annual review.

The emergency contact list decides, in its order

No answer for two hours means act without me

The parent on duty handles it and keeps the other informed

Over a named amount we talk first, but never before care happens

The schedule pauses and the time is made up afterwards, hour for hour

We split the day by who can work around it, week to week

The other parent takes all the time, and it is made up hour for hour afterwards

Happy to go with whatever we agreed on the call. Writing it down here so it is on the record.

Those three, and the part of the plan it comes under, so it can be found again later

The same, and neither of us asks her afterwards what she talked about

No rule

Ask and we will see

Those, and a computer once, and travel between school and each home

The same commitment on the same terms, whatever the program is

Not covered. Anything either of us does then is our own to offer.

Never forced, and the parent she is with says so themselves rather than leaving it to be noticed

No rule