Compare

Seasonal fixed schedule: Daniel has Iris Sunday 9am through Wednesday from May through October and Wednesday morning through Sunday 9am from November through April; Maya has the reverse.

Settled

How Maya's fixed weekdays are defined

Defined as her two non-NYC days, shifting automatically if her commute days change (60 days notice)

Tier A

Waiting

Default exchange when school is out

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaA named neutral spot

Settled

Lateness rule

30-minute grace, then the day is forfeited unless excused

Settled

Make-up time when a job takes one of Daniel's weekend days (Maya covers)

No make-up; time lost is not regained

Tier A

Waiting

Work-date list deadline each year

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaFebruary 1

Settled

Reciprocal work flexibility

No formal mirror

Settled

Conduct at exchanges

Same rule, and either of us can end an exchange conversation by saying so

Settled

Who besides us can collect or deliver her

Only the two of us, except in an emergency

Settled

If one of us is seriously ill or unable to parent for a stretch

The other parent covers, no make-up owed

Tier A

Waiting

Extended absence for work

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaNo answer yet.

Settled

A stepped schedule for the first year

One schedule, starting from the move-out date

Settled

The swap policy: how we ask and how fast we answer

Requests in writing 30 days ahead; answered within a week; declines carry no explanation

Settled

Three weekends in a row

The same rule, but build-season weekends are exempt and never trigger the reset

Settled

Exchanges in dangerous weather

The receiving parent decides whether to travel; missed time is made up within 30 days

Tier A

Different

Asking for her to come back early when a day has gone wrong

DanielThe same, and the time comes back later if the parent who asked wants it

MayaEither of us may ask, for up to 24 hours, answered within two hours, and it changes nothing about the schedule or any ledger

Tier A

Different

What counts as a school day

DanielAny weekday inside the published school year, whether or not she is in school that day

MayaAny day her school is in session, for a full day or a half day, and no other day

Settled

What counts as an overnight

Whoever's care she is in at midnight, with a night away at camp counting to neither of us

Tier A

Waiting

What counts as a week of vacation time

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaSeven consecutive overnights, noon to noon, which may extend an adjacent regular weekend

Tier A

Waiting

What counts as being unreachable

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaNo answer to a call and a text at the numbers on file, one hour apart, on a matter that says it is urgent

Settled

What counts as an extended absence

Any absence at all, however short

Settled

What counts as a crunch period

No formal definition: handle each one by agreement

Tier A

Different

The one compensation rule for a job Saturday

DanielNo make-up: an overlay Saturday is Maya's time and the year's count is what it is

MayaDaniel receives the following Sunday overnight whenever an overlay Saturday falls on Maya's weekend

Tier A

Different

Who drives to an exchange, and who pays for it

DanielThe parent whose time is starting collects her, both ways, each bearing their own cost

MayaThe parent whose time is ending delivers her, both ways, each bearing their own cost

Tier A

Different

A cap on how many swaps get granted in a year

DanielNo cap; ask as often as needed

MayaUp to twelve swaps a calendar year

Showing 25 of 27.

Holidays15

Settled

Thanksgiving (Wed evening – Sunday)

Together while it still works, alternate later

Tier A

Waiting

December break

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaNo answer yet.

Settled

February winter recess

Follows the regular schedule

Tier A

Waiting

Spring break

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaAlternate, opposite of winter recess

Tier A

Different

Monday holidays (MLK, Memorial, Juneteenth, Labor)

DanielAlternate separately from weekends

MayaAttach to the adjacent weekend parent automatically

Tier A

Different

July 4th

DanielTogether each year

MayaFollows the regular schedule (a Saturday job sends it to Maya anyway)

Settled

Halloween

Parent-of-the-day keeps it

Settled

Mother's Day and Father's Day

Always with that parent, 9am to next-day school drop-off; Father's Day moves a week if Daniel is on a site

Tier A

Waiting

Iris's birthday (Aug 22)

DanielTwo celebrations: parent-of-the-day keeps the date, the other celebrates within the week

MayaNo answer yet.

Tier A

Waiting

Our own birthdays

DanielThat parent's evening automatically

MayaNo answer yet.

Settled

Gift budgets for her birthday and the holidays

One joint gift from both of us for the big item, plus whatever else each of us does

Settled

Keeping the magic consistent while she still believes

Aligned stories; each home handles its own gifts however it likes

Tier A

Waiting

Coordinating gifts from grandparents

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaNo coordination

Tier A

Different

Funerals and family emergencies

DanielReleased for immediate family only (grandparents, aunts and uncles): up to 48 hours, made up within 60 days

MayaHandled by agreement when it happens

Settled

Easter and any other religious or family holidays we keep

They follow the regular schedule, and we are saying so deliberately

Showing 15 of 15.

Summer & travel19

Settled

Uninterrupted vacation weeks for each parent per year

3 weeks each

Settled

Who picks vacation weeks first

Alternate first pick yearly (deadline April 1 / April 15)

Settled

Notice for overnight domestic trips

Itinerary 7 days ahead

Tier A

Waiting

International travel and the passport

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaNo answer yet.

Tier A

Different

Vacation during the school year

DanielYes for a family event or a trip booked well ahead, otherwise no

MayaNo: vacations happen in school breaks

Tier A

Waiting

Trips either of us takes without her

DanielNotice and first option for absences over an agreed length, notice alone for shorter ones

MayaNo answer yet.

Settled

Summer camp: choosing it, and the deadline for deciding

No camp unless we both want it

Settled

Whether summer keeps the school-year schedule

The school-year rotation plus the vacation weeks; nothing else changes

Tier A

Different

Travel to a country outside the Hague Abduction Convention

DanielNo travel to a non-Convention country without the other parent's written consent

MayaThe same, and consent is not unreasonably withheld for a named family reason

Tier A

Different

Renewing her passport while she is under 16

DanielThe same, within 30 days

MayaEither parent may start a renewal and the other signs or supplies the consent form within 14 days

Settled

When may she fly alone as an unaccompanied minor?

Not before both of us agree, trip by trip

Settled

Whether sleep-away camp is on the table, and from what age

Yes, from the summer after she turns 12, if she wants to go

Tier A

Waiting

The longest stretch she is away at one time

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaUp to four weeks, in one session or two

Tier A

Waiting

Whose parenting time the camp weeks come out of

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaNo answer yet.

Settled

How a sleep-away camp is chosen, and what enrolling takes

Both of us agree, and she has a say once she is old enough to visit

Tier A

Waiting

How much notice before a camp deposit is paid

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaNo answer yet.

Settled

How the cost of sleep-away camp is split

Whoever proposes the camp pays, unless the other agrees to share it

Settled

Contact with her while she is away

Both on the list, and both of us go to visiting day

Tier A

Different

The camp's medical forms, and who it calls first

DanielWhoever handles enrolment fills the forms and lists us both, order agreed then

MayaBoth listed, and we alternate who is named first each year

Showing 19 of 19.

Right of first refusal5

Tier B

Waiting

Include a right of first refusal?

DanielYes, for absences over 8 hours

MayaNo answer yet.

Settled

ROFR exemptions

Iris's own sleepovers and camps are exempt

Tier A

Different

Saturday jobs that shift days to Maya count as…

DanielCovered time for Daniel (affects the overnight count)

MayaHer parenting time, plain and simple

Tier A

Different

What the right of first refusal does not reach

DanielNothing is excluded: any absence over the threshold triggers an offer

MayaOnly school, camp and activities

Settled

How an offer is made, answered, and who drives

Offer by text; answer by the end of the day; transport splits, each collecting her

Showing 5 of 5.

Communication25

Settled

Our channel for co-parenting logistics

Text/email plus a shared calendar

Settled

Response-time expectation

No formal rule

Settled

Iris contacting the parent she's not with

Free, private, whenever she asks; we each help her call

Settled

Non-disparagement

Mutual: no negative talk about each other, new partners, or family, in front of Iris or online

Settled

How we tell Iris, and what we tell everyone else

Tell her together; the public narrative is each adult's own

Tier A

Different

The messenger rule

DanielOnly neutral logistics may go through her, nothing emotional or financial

MayaNo rule

Tier A

Waiting

Privacy and discretion between the adults

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaNo answer yet.

Tier A

Different

The 24-hour pause

Daniel48-hour version

MayaEither of us can call a 24-hour pause on any non-urgent dispute

Settled

Calls and video with the parent she is not with

No set frequency; she calls when she wants and we both make it easy

Settled

Scheduled calls or open access, and how that changes as she gets older

Scheduled, and we revisit only if it stops working

Settled

Privacy on her calls

No rule

Tier A

Waiting

How and when we tell her about the move

DanielWhoever she is with when it becomes real tells her, and the other follows up

MayaNo answer yet.

Tier A

Different

The last night in the house, and how we frame the change

DanielEach of us handles it our own way

MayaAgreed language, no shared ritual

Settled

Adult money talk stays away from her

Same rule, plus an agreed neutral answer for when she asks about money

Tier A

Waiting

Litigation and mediation stay away from her

DanielNo rule

MayaNo answer yet.

Tier A

Waiting

When she says she wants to live with the other parent

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaAgreed response, and we tell each other it happened without making it a discussion

Settled

When she tells one of us what the other allows

No rule

Settled

Secrets and surprises

The same, and if she lets one slip neither of us makes it her problem

Settled

When co-parenting messages get sent and answered

Anytime; the response-time rule already covers the rest

Settled

Family meetings with Iris

No standing rhythm: either parent or Iris can call one, with a day or two of notice and a named topic, at whichever home she is at

Settled

Time the three of us spend together, and whose time it counts as

Yes, whenever all three of us want to: it stays the scheduled parent's parenting time, nothing is owed or made up, and either of us can simply decline

Settled

What a decision request has to say to start the clock

Those three, and the part of the plan it comes under, so it can be found again later

Tier A

Waiting

What happens when a request goes unanswered past the window

DanielThe proposal stands on anything routine, and everything else waits

MayaNo answer yet.

Tier A

Waiting

Recording each other at handovers and at her events

DanielThe same, except where one of us genuinely fears for their safety, and it is said afterwards

MayaNo answer yet.

Settled

When she does not want to talk to the other parent

Never forced, and the parent she is with says so themselves rather than leaving it to be noticed

Showing 25 of 25.

New partners12

Settled

Introducing a new partner to Iris

Each parent's own judgment, with a heads-up first

Settled

Heads-up before the introduction

No notice required

Settled

Overnights with a new partner while Iris is present

Each parent's own judgment

Settled

If one of us starts seeing someone she already knows

No rule

Settled

What a new partner's role is not

Partners may hold ordinary house rules but make no parenting decisions and handle no discipline

Tier A

Waiting

If she gets attached to a partner's children

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaIf a relationship ends, the parent involved makes a good-faith effort to keep her contact with those children where it is welcomed

Settled

Remarriage and the plan

The same, and either of us may ask for a review at that point

Settled

Whether a partner can do school pickups

Tier A

Waiting

Whether a partner can watch her alone

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaNo solo childcare by a partner

Settled

Her picture on dating profiles

No pictures where she is identifiable

Tier A

Waiting

Her place in a blended household

DanielShe keeps her own room in both homes; any shared-room arrangement needs both of us to agree

MayaNo answer yet.

Settled

A new adult living in the house she sleeps in

No rule

Showing 12 of 12.

Moving3

Settled

How far either of us can move Iris's residence without renegotiating

Kingston school district boundary

Settled

Notice for any address change, even nearby

30 days written notice

Settled

If a move beyond the radius ever happens

The plan already says renegotiation; nothing more now

Showing 3 of 3.

Pets8

Settled

Where Biscuit and Pepper live

Dogs stay at the house (whoever keeps it)

Settled

Dog costs (food, walker or daycare for coverage gaps)

Each parent covers costs during their own time

Settled

Major vet decisions

Joint decision above $500 per incident

Settled

Dog sitting and boarding costs

All sitting and boarding runs through the expense account regardless of whose time it is

Settled

Which dog goes where

Biscuit stays with the house; Pepper stays with the house too

Settled

Who decides when it is time, for Biscuit

Joint decision wherever there is time; the parent with the dog decides alone only in an emergency, and tells the other immediately

Settled

Who pays for a large or uncovered veterinary bill

Whoever the dog lives with pays

Tier A

Waiting

Pet insurance

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaNo answer yet.

Showing 8 of 8.

Growing up29

Tier A

Waiting

Iris's first phone

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaNo answer yet.

Settled

Concurrent extracurricular activities

No cap; consent needed only if it hits the other parent's time

Settled

General make-up time philosophy (outside the seasonal overlay)

Time lost is not regained

Settled

Annual plan review

Every January

Settled

Scheduled plan rewrites, not just reviews

Full revisit at the middle school transition (~11) and again entering high school (~14), calendared now

Settled

Allowance

The same approach, amounts each parent's own

Tier A

Waiting

The earliest age for a social media account

DanielEach parent decides

MayaNo answer yet.

Settled

The age she can be home alone

Each parent decides for their own home

Settled

The rules for when she is home alone

Agreed limits on how long and how late, an agreed check-in method, and no friends over unless we both say so

Tier A

Waiting

How her preferences get weighed as she gets older

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaNo answer yet.

Settled

Money she earns

Hers, with each home setting its own expectations

Settled

The accounts we set up for her

One of us administers them, with the other given access on request

Tier A

Different

Getting her ready for puberty

DanielWe agree who leads which conversation, and both homes are stocked in advance

MayaOne of us leads the conversations about her body (name in notes); both homes stocked in advance

Tier A

Waiting

Sex education, before the school forms arrive

DanielWe cover it at home instead

MayaNo answer yet.

Settled

Time alone with her doctor as she gets older

Both step out, and we ask the clinician for a general summary rather than details

Tier A

Waiting

When she starts dating

DanielAgreed principles now, details when it is live

MayaNo answer yet.

Settled

Alcohol, vaping and drugs

Each parent handles it their own way

Tier A

Waiting

Her first job

DanielAgreed hour limits; her earnings are entirely hers

MayaNo answer yet.

Settled

Learning to drive

Both sign; whoever adds her to their policy carries that cost

Settled

Curfews

The same curfew in both homes, revisited each year

Settled

When she can ride through the neighborhood on her own

Each parent decides, based on their own street and the route

Settled

Location sharing on her devices

No location tracking on her devices

Settled

Who can change how she is reachable

No rule

Tier A

Waiting

Whether her phone is monitored, and on what basis

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaNo answer yet.

Tier A

Different

When her accounts and her phone become entirely hers

DanielWe will work it out then

MayaWhen she asks, and we do it without making her justify it

Showing 25 of 29.

The house15

Tier A

Different

What happens with the house

DanielNest 1–2 years first, then decide (sale is the default if we can't agree)

MayaNest 1–2 years first, then Daniel keeps it

Tier A

Different

If we nest: the end date

DanielJune 30, 2028

MayaWe won't nest

Tier C

Waiting

How to set the house claim number (worksheet W-3)

DanielFraming 2: split renovation value and remaining HELOC as marital

MayaNo answer yet.

Tier A

Waiting

Who pays house carrying costs until the disposition closes

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaSplit 50/50

Settled

Groceries for the nested home (if we nest)

A set monthly grocery amount, split 50/50, one shared list

Settled

If we nest, who pays for the off-duty apartment

We won't nest

Settled

What the nest costs count as when we settle up

Whoever keeps the house credits the other for their share

Settled

If one of us moves in with a new partner, can the other move into the house with Iris

Yes: the other parent gets a first option to occupy the house with Iris, on written terms agreed in advance

Settled

If the non-owner occupies the house, what do they pay

Fair market rent, set by a third-party appraisal and reviewed yearly

Settled

Who handles repairs and management if the non-owner lives there

Occupant handles repairs under an agreed dollar threshold; owner approves anything above it

Settled

If the refinance cannot close by the deadline

The leaving spouse stays on the note with indemnification and a recorded lien for the claim

Settled

How the appraiser is chosen

Three names from the mediator, and each of us strikes one

Tier A

Waiting

Which route we use to reach the house value we both work from

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaNo answer yet.

Settled

What the renovation and the work behind it added to the house

Let us talk this one through in person before we lock it.

Tier A

Waiting

What the home equity line actually paid for

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaNo answer yet.

Showing 15 of 15.

Child support17

Tier A

Different

Child support structure (after running worksheet W-1 together)

DanielDeviate: smaller direct payment plus a joint Iris expense account (with the required recital)

MayaDeviate: expense account only, no direct payment (with the required recital)

Tier A

Different

If we use an expense account, how it's funded

Daniel50/50

MayaPro rata to income (roughly 55/45)

Settled

Receipts and reconciliation

Trust the account statement, review yearly

Tier A

Different

The big-ticket sinking fund

DanielSplit big items ad hoc as they come

MayaYes: a set monthly amount each into a dedicated fund (amount in notes)

Settled

Matching support money to seasonal income

Level monthly payments with the April true-up

Settled

Signing her up for activities without asking

Either of us may enroll her up to an agreed amount per season alone; above that we both agree (amount in notes)

Settled

Clothing: what base support covers, and what we split

All clothing runs through the shared expense account

Settled

Gifts for other children's parties

From the shared expense account

Tier A

Different

School trips and overnight travel

DanielFrom the sinking fund, if we set one up

MayaWhoever wants her to go pays

Tier A

Waiting

Lost and broken things

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaNo answer yet.

Tier A

Waiting

Costumes, recital outfits, and picture day

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaNo answer yet.

Settled

Bikes, scooters, and sports gear

Duplicated at both houses wherever we can afford it

Tier A

Different

What the shared expense account pays for

DanielA named list only: childcare, medical, school, activities. Everything else is personal

MayaAnything for her that both of us would have bought while living together

Settled

Who carries her medical and dental coverage

Maya carries her on the NYU plan while she is employed there

Tier A

Different

What happens to her coverage if the plan carrying her ends

DanielWhoever is losing it enrols her on a marketplace plan and the cost splits as her other medical costs do

MayaWork it out when it happens

Settled

How her premium share and her unreimbursed medical costs split

50/50, stated in the agreement as an agreed deviation from pro rata

Settled

Whether her health costs run through the shared account

No shared account for medical; each of us pays and claims the other's share

Showing 17 of 17.

Maintenance & assets30

Tier C

Waiting

Spousal maintenance (after running worksheet W-2 both directions)

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaNo answer yet.

Settled

The marital portion of the 401(k) (worksheet W-4)

Divide by QDRO: Daniel's half rolls to his own IRA

Tier A

Waiting

The Kestrel Build Supply shares

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaNo answer yet.

Tier A

Waiting

The carpentry business

DanielCommission a formal valuation first

MayaNo answer yet.

Tier A

Waiting

Work truck sale proceeds

DanielInto the Iris expense account as its opening balance

MayaNo answer yet.

Settled

Who values the business if we need a number

Start from the workup range and negotiate; an expert only if that fails

Tier A

Waiting

The date the business is valued at

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaNo answer yet.

Tier A

Waiting

Whether the business loan carries a personal guarantee, and what the indemnity says

DanielFull indemnity including attorney's fees whatever the note says, and Daniel refinances the loan out of any joint exposure within a stated period

MayaNo answer yet.

Settled

Who drafts the QDRO, and who pays for it

Each attorney's firm handles their own side and the costs lie where they fall

Settled

If the equalizing payment is deferred, what it costs

No interest at all, whenever it is paid

Settled

The card balances that get divided, and as at when

Only the cards we both use, at the date the agreement is executed

Settled

By when the balances actually move, and who carries the interest until they do

Within 90 days of execution; each of us carries the interest on our own assigned share from the cutoff date

Settled

Which retirement accounts actually get divided, and by what instrument

None of them are split. The retirement money is balanced against other assets instead

Tier A

Different

How the share to be transferred is worked out

DanielA flat dollar amount, stated in the order

MayaA percentage of the balance as at an agreed date, with gains and losses on that share until it is transferred

Settled

The date the share is measured on

The agreed separation date, the same date every worksheet uses

Settled

What happens to the share between that date and the day it moves

Whatever the plan's own rules allow, stated by the specialist

Settled

Whether the receiving side keeps a survivor benefit

Yes for a plan that pays a stream, nothing needed for a plain balance plan

Tier A

Waiting

How an outstanding loan against the account is treated

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaNo answer yet.

Tier A

Waiting

Whether the plan reviews the order before a court signs it

DanielYes, and we use the plan's own model order as the starting point

MayaNo answer yet.

Settled

Cash value inside any life insurance policy, separate from the death benefit

One or both of us holds a policy with cash value, and the balance is already on the asset worksheet

Settled

529 and HSA account balances on the asset worksheet

Every 529 and HSA account either of us holds is already listed on the asset worksheet

Settled

The monthly premium either of us will pay for health coverage after separation

At least one of us still needs a quote before the premium can be recorded

Settled

Whether either of us has a defined-benefit pension

One or both of us has a defined-benefit pension that still needs to be listed on the asset worksheet

Settled

How we file our federal return for the tax year we are working on

File separately for this year

Settled

Which of us claims our daughter as a dependent, and for which years

Our accountant is working out which way costs the two of us least

Showing 25 of 30.

The path3

Settled

Divorce now, or legal separation first?

Legal separation now, convert to divorce after April 2028

Settled

Ground rules for our mediation sessions

Sessions capped at two hours; nothing binding agreed in-session, and either of us may take 24 hours before confirming anything; easiest open items first; either of us may call a break

Tier A

Different

Which document carries the finances

DanielThe financial settlement, with a divorce filed

MayaThe separation agreement, with the parenting plan, the schedules and the worksheets as its exhibits

Showing 3 of 3.

College & insurance16

Settled

529 contributions going forward

No monthly commitment; contribute ad hoc

Tier B

Waiting

College cost sharing

DanielSUNY cap: each parent's share limited to pro-rata SUNY cost, 529 first, scholarships reduce it

MayaNo answer yet.

Settled

Term life insurance each of us carries naming Iris until she's 21

Amounts pro rata to income

Settled

Who claims Iris on taxes

Daniel every year

Settled

Leftover 529 money

Roth rollover for her benefit first; any remainder released to her at 25

Settled

Disability insurance while support is owed

Both of us carry disability cover

Settled

Who owns each life policy securing support

Each of us owns the policy on the other

Tier A

Waiting

Who files the FAFSA each year, and when

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaWork it out in the year it first matters

Settled

Documents for the aid the FAFSA does not cover

Ask and we will see

Tier A

Waiting

Her college records, once they are hers

DanielWe do not ask. What she wants us to know she will tell us.

MayaNo answer yet.

Settled

What counts as a college cost

Those, and a computer once, and travel between school and each home

Tier A

Waiting

What she has to be doing for the contribution to run

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaFull-time enrollment, five years, same allowance for a hard year

Settled

Trade school, certification and an apprenticeship

The same commitment on the same terms, whatever the program is

Settled

Graduate school

Not covered. Anything either of us does then is our own to offer.

Tier A

Waiting

Her health cover from 18 to 26

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaNo answer yet.

Tier A

Waiting

Her own decisions, once she is an adult

DanielFrom 18, with the schedule staying as a default she can use if she wants one

MayaNo answer yet.

Showing 16 of 16.

Health & daily life38

Tier A

Waiting

When Iris is sick on an exchange day

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaCase by case, decided by a same-day call

Tier A

Waiting

Who leaves work when the school nurse calls

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaNo answer yet.

Settled

School closures and snow days

Alternate coverage regardless of schedule

Settled

Food and diet across two homes

Agreed core principles (balanced meals, limits on sugar and treats), each home implements its own way; medical and dietary needs follow her everywhere

Settled

Annual physical and bloodwork

Pediatrician's standard schedule, nothing extra specified

Settled

Body autonomy decisions

Joint consent for anything permanent or semi-permanent (piercings, dye)

Settled

Her clothes and belongings

Two full sets of essentials; only special items travel

Settled

Screen time, homework, bedtime

Each home sets its own rules

Settled

Substance commitment

No clause needed

Settled

Grandparents and extended family

Each parent's family time comes out of their own parenting time

Settled

Driving to activities that fall on the other parent's day

The enrolling parent drives or arranges the ride

Tier A

Waiting

School events, games, recitals, conferences

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaNo answer yet.

Settled

Sitting at her events

Friendly but separate is fine

Tier B

Different

Family continuity if a parent dies

DanielNo clause

MayaWritten commitment: the surviving parent maintains her relationship with the other side of the family

Settled

Parent-teacher conferences

Separately, and whoever goes first shares notes the same day

Settled

Prescriptions across two homes

A full supply at each house, refilled by whoever collects it, with any change told to the other the same day

Settled

Screen time limits

Each home sets its own

Tier A

Different

Sleepovers and playdates

DanielAligned rules: we have both met the family, an agreed set of questions we ask, and a come-home-anytime promise

MayaEach parent decides, and tells the other where she is staying

Settled

Pictures of the other parent in her room

Yes, at both homes, and neither of us comments on it

Settled

Bedtimes

An agreed school-night band and an agreed weekend band, both homes

Settled

How food and bodies get talked about

No rule

Settled

Chores

A roughly parallel set of expectations we agree and revisit each year

Tier A

Different

Screens before bed

DanielNo rule

MayaAn agreed cutoff; where the device sleeps is each home's call

Tier B

Different

Caffeine

DanielEach parent decides

MayaNone now, with an agreed age at which soda and coffee become her choice; energy drinks stay out until later (ages in notes)

Tier A

Waiting

Over-the-counter medicine

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaEither parent may give ordinary pain and cold relief at label doses; anything ongoing, and anything for sleep, needs both of us

Showing 25 of 38.

Money mechanics13

Settled

Professional fees for the process

Shared costs pro rata to income; each pays their own attorney

Tier B

Different

Our final joint tax year

DanielFile jointly while eligible if the CPA confirms it saves money; split refund or liability in proportion to income; mutual indemnification for past joint returns

MayaFile separately starting this year

Tier A

Waiting

Closing joint accounts, cards, utilities, subscriptions

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaAs we get to it

Tier A

Waiting

Reimbursement mechanics for shared child expenses

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaNo answer yet.

Settled

Child support review over time

Statutory triggers only, no annual exchange

Settled

Disputes about money

Disagrees with another decision: A ladder ending at a coordinator you have declined

Straight to mediation

Tier B

Different

If either of us dies before the divorce is final

DanielLeave everything as is until the divorce is final

MayaWaive elective-share rights against each other's estates in the agreement; update wills and available beneficiaries now, with Iris (via trust) as intended beneficiary

Settled

Engagement ring and family heirlooms

Ring is Maya's; each family's heirlooms return to that side; both named on the exception list

Settled

Guardianship in our wills

Leave guardianship language to each parent's own estate planning

Tier A

Waiting

How reimbursements actually get paid

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaOne named method for every transfer, logged in the app ledger the same day

Tier A

Waiting

Her savings account

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaNo answer yet.

Tier B

Different

Cash gifts from relatives

DanielWhoever receives it decides

MayaInto her savings account, whichever of us receives it, and visible to both

Settled

Authorization for whoever has her when we are both away

A signed letter naming the caregiver, refreshed whenever both of us are away, kept in the shared vault

Showing 13 of 13.

Wrap-up16

Tier A

Different

The family photo and video archive

DanielComplete copy to each of us (cloud + physical drive); work files stay with the business

MayaDifferent arrangement (describe in notes)

Settled

Household stuff

Each keeps what's in their possession, short exception list, alternating picks for anything contested

Settled

Anything not covered above that you want in the agreement

Happy to go with whatever we agreed on the call. Writing it down here so it is on the record.

Settled

A jointly written preamble

A shorter shared statement of intent, a paragraph

Tier B

Different

The ongoing shared album

DanielEach keeps their own

MayaBoth contribute photos of Iris from our own time to one shared album, ongoing

Tier A

Different

Iris's image online and in AI tools

DanielConsent for business and marketing use only; personal posting is each parent's judgment

MayaNo rule

Settled

The shared emergency vault

Yes: shared vault, reviewed at the annual August review

Settled

How this plan gets changed

Only in writing, signed by both of us, appended to the plan; nothing else counts

Settled

No withholding, in either direction

Written into the plan: time and money are independent, and neither is used as leverage for the other

Settled

If part of the plan turns out to be unenforceable

Include it, with a commitment to renegotiate any provision that fails

Settled

Pandemics, closures, and disasters

The schedule holds wherever it safely can; missed time is made up, and any change is agreed in writing within a week

Settled

When one of us is not doing what the plan says

Written notice naming the section, fourteen days to put it right or explain, then the ladder in Article 14

Tier A

Waiting

Who pays for a mediation session one of us had to call over the plan

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaNo answer yet.

Settled

Attorney's fees when the plan has to be enforced

No fee clause in this plan. Each of us pays our own costs of enforcing it

Tier A

Waiting

What counts as the record between us

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaNo answer yet.

Settled

When either of us may call a plan review early

No rule

Showing 16 of 16.

Emergencies15

Settled

Who can consent to emergency medical treatment for Iris

Either of us alone for emergencies, both of us for anything scheduled, unless waiting is dangerous

Settled

How fast the other parent hears about a medical emergency

Immediately, before or on the way to care

Settled

Which hospital is the default in an emergency

I would rather keep this flexible for the first year and revisit at the annual review.

Settled

Who the school or daycare calls first, and who goes

The emergency contact list decides, in its order

Tier A

Waiting

The three or four adults either house can call

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaNo answer yet.

Settled

What counts as unreachable, and what the other parent does then

No answer for two hours means act without me

Settled

An emergency on the other parent's time

The parent on duty handles it and keeps the other informed

Settled

How an emergency cost gets paid before anybody works out whose it is

Over a named amount we talk first, but never before care happens

Tier A

Waiting

Where everyone goes if one house suddenly cannot be lived in

DanielWe decide at the time, with her school week deciding it

MayaNo answer yet.

Settled

If a disaster puts one of us out of the area for months

The schedule pauses and the time is made up afterwards, hour for hour

Tier A

Different

If phones and internet are down, where you meet and who you both call

DanielI would rather keep this flexible for the first year and revisit at the annual review.

MayaLet us talk this one through in person before we lock it.

Settled

If school closes for months

We split the day by who can work around it, week to week

Settled

If one of us is hospitalized or laid up for weeks

The other parent takes all the time, and it is made up hour for hour afterwards

Settled

If neither of us can care for her, who steps in

Happy to go with whatever we agreed on the call. Writing it down here so it is on the record.

Tier A

Waiting

Firearms in either house

DanielNo answer yet.

MayaNo answer yet.

Showing 15 of 15.

Drafts for discussion. Not legal advice. Independent attorney review required before signing.